Ma sun wen a teltit yez te becum a Ministerrr, ah ment o rrrelidgeeon!!
nane o tha daft beggarrr stuff doon in Lunnon.
Ah sun, noo loook at yez, nae hoap an nae prrride lef in yersel,
Ivn yeerrr waantin tae go rrroond cawlin peepl bigots, the pulpits the place ferrr yez, d'yez nae ken tha a taw. Nae wan tells a man o th cloth he canna say sich thungz!
Yeer a wee disapointment tae me n aw, when yez go oot an sey yeer frum a middle clas famly, di yez no think oorrr hoose wuz th grrrandest in th blaak n grrrimy wee pit villudge o Kirrrkudy. Th ony hoose betrrr ferrr miyulz wuz th lairrds. Dyuh no rrrememerrr he evun uzed tae drrap rrroond noo n theyin tae huv a drap o tay wi yr mither n me?
Och ma sun, tae loook dooon n see thi daein aw tha lyin wi serrrpentz yez dooin!!weel yr mither's spinnin ah kn telt yez, an ahm a wee but dizzy ma ain sel.
Ah thocht wi brrrung yez up prrroperrr, no like they Blairrrz didna ai telt yez themz wuz a baaad bunsh, an fer youse tae stey awa frae hum. An wha dae yez go an doo az sooon az a wuz unner th soad! Yez beecumz hiz rrreet han moan, baackin him up n hiz lyin n skeemin, goan tae warrr n killin n maimin an aw in th naame o Goad, itz BLAAZZPHHHEMY LADDIE, an aw th tyme nowin he wuz unner th speall o a Katholik wutch!!
Wheeers yerrr prrride laddie, dud we no lok yez unnerrr th steerrrs offen enuff, fer lang enuff, tae teech yez bettrrrr!
Ahve hud a wird wi th Big Yin up heerrre n he sez yez kn cum upsteerrrs ony on wan condishun, n tha iz yeeve gat tae rrresign yerrr posishun wi an aprrroprriet apolodgy, rrrretirrre tae a prrresbutrrry an liv a selabat life dayin guud wurrks fer th res o yez deees!
Ahm sorrrry sun bu therrrs nae ither wa, !!
Ohh ay th Big Yin jiz telt mi yez hefta dae it befoorrr th elecshun n aw, or itz nae deeal !!
Yer mither n ay hope tae see yez rrreel sooon sun, an frrrae wha ah kn tel mose o th brrritish peeple wan yez tae be wi usz as qwik as may bee tuu!!!
Yerrr luvin faytherrr
PS ahll cleer oot th unnerrr steerrrs cubby ferr yez so's yez kn feeel as tho yer at hame agin! Th Big Yin sez yez kn hev ut ferr th nex cupl o thooosund yeerrrs n aw!
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