Saturday, 14 August 2010

The Book of Bliar

...And so it came to pass, that Anthony did sojourn, in a land far from his own, and in this land he came upon a place that goeth by the name of Camp David wherein he did wander many days in a great desert, all the time calling upon the Lord to deliver him from his problems, for yea he had many!

When Lo! he cameth upon a burning Bush that spake unto him saying, "Thou hast called upon the name of the Lord to deliver you and I am his messenger. You must obey these words to get thereof what thou wisheth!"

Anthony fell unto his knees before the burning Bush and cried out , "Fuck Me!!" for verily he had kneeled on a cactus, and the burning Bush said unto him "Later maybe... but first the word of your master"

And so it came to pass that the burning Bush did tell unto Anthony that he was to go forth to his own country and tell all the people there that they must make ready for war. And when this was done Anthony was to send them, man and woman alike, to the land of Iraqistine to lay waste to all that was there with Shock and Awe in the name of the Lord.

And so it came to pass that Anthony did as he had been commanded by his Lord, and when he could not persuade the people of his land to go to war, for they were a peaceful and sensible people, Anthony again spake with the burning Bush, and the burning Bush told him "Yea we will make up a story between us that will frighten the people, and put them in fear of their little children's safety, and then they will go where you tell them and do as you need them to do"

And so it came to pass, that Anthony made up a story with the help of his disciple Alistair of the Campbellites, wherein the Iraqistines were about to attack and destroy the green and pleasant land of the Britainophiles.

Upon hearing this many of the Britainophiles laughed out loud saying "Pull the other one, the Iraqistines couldn't attack us here!". To which the disciple Alistair did wave in the air parchments which he said proved that they could indeed launch Weapons of Mass Destruction on the people living in the land of Britain, in 45 minutes or so!

Upon hearing this many, of the rich and powerful, signed their agreement to let Anthony send the people they owned  to war!

And so it came to pass that the land of Iraqistine was laid to waste with Shock and Awe, and men and women and children were put to death by the winged chariots of the burning Bush from high in the heavens ,where even the keenest eye could not see them coming. Yea even the dogs and cattle, sheep and goats were laid to waste, and all the buildings and hospitals and schools were destroyed!

And Anthony looked upon what he had wrought and saw it was good, verily so good was the Shock and Awe that nary a sign was ever found of the Weapons of Mass Destruction  that the Iraqistines were said to have possessed!

And it came to pass that Anthony realised that he would never become a 'Saint' in the church whereof he worshipped and so he converted unto the Catholic church, which liketh to see blood and death in untold number, and offereth forgiveness of all sin and heresy, for a portion of your earthly riches, to prepareth the way to 'Sainthood'!

And it came to pass that the Profit Anthony , for so he had come to be known in his land and yea even in the land of the burning Bush and many others, called again upon his Lord and said, "Lord, after all this hard work in your name , am I not deserving of some comfort in the world ". 

And his disciple hearing him beseech the Lord said unto him , "Yea why dost thou not write a book of your time as Profit of the peoples of Britain, wherein you mention all the good things that you have shewed unto them, for surely they will all pay 25 pieces of silver unto you for such a thing, but mention ye not the thousand upon thousand of the dead in Iraqistine, nor mention ye a word of the Britainophiles that also died therein for it would not do to remind them of the price they did pay for thou to becometh rich beyond measure and on the road to 'Sainthood', lest they be jealous of thee and cast thee down to the pit of a dark prison to be tormented by wilde beasts".

And so it did come to pass that the Profit Anthony did write a book, wherein he did appear as the hero and saviour of his nation and possibly the whole worlde!

And so also did it come to pass that many did laugh at him and say "what a lying Fucktard thou art!"

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